The New Year of 2018; 4 Months Too Late

I know it's kinda late to wish a Happy New Year of 2018, but they say 'better late than never'. 

2017; definitely the year that has taught me a lot. It has broke me once again, matured me, humbled me, blessed me and made me a better individuals, shape me into the person who I am today. What ever it is, I'm not gonna regret anything that happen in the past since I've learned a lot from it. The only things I regret the most is not taking the chances to enjoy every moment while I still have with the people I love and tell them how much they existence means a lot to me as I believe; in the end we only regret the chances we didn't take. 

2018; I can only hope for the best and believe that what is coming is better than what is gone. I don't ask for much, the only thing I wish is that may this year brings more happiness to me. I just wanted to be happy again and actually meant it. I don't have any new resolution since I'm still struggling to achieve the old one. 

Bid Farewell to 2016, Say Hi to 2017

So this is it; my first post since the last time couldn't remember. I know I've been gone for such a long time. To be honest I almost forget having this blog. I also thought to erase this blog since I couldn't keep it updated. Well, that what I thought. But then, I just couldn't simply throw away everything I had built for quiet a few years now. This is everything that reminds me of who I was, and who I am now. I decide to delete some of my old post which I thought doesn't really matter anymore. 

Done with that, ugh. So I guess 2016 has pass me by then. A lot of things happen actually but I couldn't remember some of it; not that it's not important anymore but because it is very important that I choose to live that moment. yeah. As odd as 2016 may have been, I could never forget all the lesson I've learnt. There's ups and downs, pain and heartbreak, but never once a regret. I still count all the blessing I have received and the one yet to come. 

My wish for this 2017, to be one of those amazing year just like the years before. No new resolution as I still find myself struggling to achieve the old one. I've been studying my degree in Music and this is my senior year, my final year. So I just wish the best of everything I do in future, well I don't know what the future holds, I can only pray for the best of it. Well, that's sums up everything. I'll try to update as many as I can next time. 

December words

“It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.” - Chuck Palahniuk

12/3/2015

And maybe, just maybe we don't want to fall in love anymore because we know how easily the heart can be broke into a million tiny piece by any ways or words. We tend to question how it can be, why it happen; we forget that human is such a fragile creature that we often take for granted. We want people to understand yet we didn't understand our own selves. And often we forget that loving someone means we are ready to feel every possibility that our heart might never be the same again; either we feel content, and other wise we might lose the other part of our heart.

Alone

And just like that, it's June and I meant how fast is that? We already in the middle of 2015 and to be honest I'm not ready for this year to end. It can't be. There's so many things need to be done.

This past few months, I've been so busy and I know I haven't posted anything. It's not like there's nothing interesting happen but as I don't have time to updated it. I guess life in University isn't as fun as I thought before. It was, but at some point I don't really enjoy it. I did make some new friend but they just not like the 'friend' I thought they might be. It's hard. It's hard to find somebody whose demon play well with yours.  

Well, I've been spend most of my time alone. yeah, I rather be alone than be friend with a fake one. I riding bus and went to class alone. I drinking coffee and ate my lunch alone. I read book while listening to music alone. I guess it gives me time to think and set my mind free. 

But when I see a friend laughing with their best friend, a girl with her lover or a mother with her child, I realize even though I like being alone, I don't fancy being lonely. 

In Loving Memory

I know it is New Year, but I never thought to have a new start with this sad breaking news. You’re time has already come and I don’t know why. The last thing I heard you were doing just fine, it seems like just yesterday I was laughing with you. I know you are in good hands now. Having a beer for an old friend, rest in peace buddy. You will be missed. Memories will comfort until we meet again. Always loved and never forgotten. I believe death may be the last chapter in time, but the first chapter in eternity. Resting in Peace and Joy for all Eternity, my dear friend Eroney Anthony.

I wished there were a place for gracious dying,

A high place with a distant view.

Where we could gather for a celebration of life

and death and friendship, old and new.

I'd like a place where there would be good music,

Good food and wine - and laughter, games and fun -

And quiet talk with friends and good discussion 

Of what will happen when this life is done.

- Helen Ansley -

2015, Here We Go !

It's been a year and 2014 came to an end. yeah. It was but It is not the end of the world. It is just a beginning of something new. I don't know what. A beginning of something good or vice versa. 

So lets take a look on what happened in 2014, what we have been searching for through the year. I bet 2014, is the most remarkable year for everyone. 

Each and everyone of us have fighting to survive, because I know that life in this real world is never been easy. Sometimes, we found love along the journey but then we never thought that we have to lose it. Some found hope and courage to begin again. But for most of us, it always have been a lost. A lost of something or someone and there are no words can mend what is broken. 

For this new year, I wish to all of us may this new year remark a new beginning and may we found what we always looking for. Most of it, I wish all of us may we found 'LOVE' in each other. 

Where do I began?

So, yess.. It's been a while. I almost forget when was the last time I'd updated my blog. It's seems like forever to me. I have gone for about 4 months and there's a lot to talk about. The problem is, I don't know where to begin.

It has been a busy weeks for me as now I'm currently studying here, at University of Malaysia Sabah. Taking my first degree in Music and It was a struggle actually since Music was not easy. I know a lot of people think so, but it is not. There's a lot of different things you have to study about music. Music itself, is actually a language and we have to learn how to speak in this type of language. I believe I'm doing the right thing since Music has always been my passion and one of the biggest influence in my life. So yeah, best of luck to me.

That's a little bit about what's going on with my life now. So, I have another 3 more years to spend for me to complete my study here. I've met a lot of different people here and it's kinda interesting. I believe this is a good chances for me to make more friends. The truth is, I'm scare. I'm scare to know the fact that this is the real life I have to live now, which I have never imagine before. I miss my home, my friends back then, I miss everything. For almost 18 years you’re taught to sit down, shut up, and raise your hand. Then you have to decide what you’re going to do for the rest of your life. Well, it's not that easy. I didn’t know why I was going to cry, but I knew that if anybody spoke to me or looked at me too closely the tears would fly out of my eyes and the sobs would fly out of the throat and I’d cry for a week. But then, I have to be strong and stay strong.

I don't know where this journey gonna take me, but I'm trusting in God. I know this is the work of his hands. 

Anonymous feelings..

People say to you, ‘you've changed,’ or something like that, well, I hope, for the sake of God that you have changed, because I don’t want to be the same person all my life. I want to be growing, I want to be expanding. I want to be changing. Because animate things change, inanimate things don’t change. Dead things don’t change. And the heart should be alive, it should be changing, it should be moving, it should be growing, its knowledge should be expanding.

I know it's been awhile but seemed like forever to me. How's life? How's everyone? I hope you doing fine. There's so many things I would like to talk about but I don't know if I should or where to begin. Time flies so fast and before I could blink my eyes, it's May, again. I know for most of you, it's the beginning for something good, something big. If you know what I meant. So, I'm still waiting. Waiting for everything. My college/university life, waiting to be able to feel free and happy again, and waiting for that one 'person'. Yeah, just like that. And wish me luck for my Medsi Exam for UPSI. 

Seems like forever..

I'm like that. Either I forget right away or I never forget. Gosh, seemed like forever since my last update. The day went so fast and my life been on so harsh to me. yeah, sometimes I almost forget how to live. I mean I'm fine but I'm not happy. Well, Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. So, it's official. I'm 20 and I don't feel like it. Can I stay forever this young? hm, whatever. Just like the other days, this day shall past and become a part of memory. Thanks for everything. 

April 11 2014

January, 2014

And just like that, it's already 2014. Did I miss anything? hm, I know I've been gone for about 1 month. Everything went so fast, right? I guess, It's never too late for me to wish Merry Christmas and happy New Year to all of you. I wish everyone and each of you, joy and happiness, may the blessing from God always be with you to guide your journey. December, is my favourite month and yes it was the tiring month. I was so busy, taking my driver license, Christmas preparation, and so many other things. 

I hope this year will give me something that won't disappoint me. Please, don't let me down. I don't know what to expect because honestly, I'm not ready. I guess, my mind is still at the back of my head. It's feel like you going away without saying goodbye and that's feel so hurt.. 

Just keep believing, everything will be okay. I hope so..

Best Memories in Manukan Island

So I decided to share this memories with everyone for they said 'sharing is caring', hhw. Last Saturday on 7th september 2013, My sister and her boyfriend together with my nephew went for a small trip to Manukan Island. Yeah, although we didn't really prepare for the visit to this island but it was quite fun. 

For most people says that the best memory is the one you don't plan, and it just happen. I've never been to an Island before except for Pulau Pinang but the scenery was really different while I'm in Manukan island.  

We took a high speed boat from Jesselton Port and honestly it was my first time riding a high speed boat. The journey to Manukan Island is about 20 mins. Thank goodness I didn't vomit because I heard a lot of people said that you will have a seasick if you don't get used to ride a boat. 

After arriving at Manukan Island, we go for a ride with this Banana Boat. I was so scared at first because I don't guarantee if it was safe enough and plus I don't know how to swim :P But lucky, I managed to over-come my fear and go for it. Just take the challenge. After all, it worth the pain because it was really fun and an experience for a life time. Then the last activity for the trip is snorkelling! yeah, it was fun although I hate the sea water cause it too salty. yackk!

The day was fun even we only been there for only few hours. We didn't really plan for the trip to this Island and the idea just came out of nowhere. But, next time we will come back and maybe sleep over and having some barbecue party at night then go for the Banana Boat again..

A little bit too much..

I hate myself for falling in love too fast.. It’s like my mind is saying not to, but my heart keeps on telling me to go on and risk chances. Now I’ve realized that we can never really choose who we fall for. Love comes in the most unexpected time.. the most unexpected place.. and with the most unexpected person.

and maybe I started liking you a little bit too much..  

Childhood memory..

There was a time, when I sat alone by myself at the corner of the class or in my warm, comfort bed in the night, this thoughts always come cross my mind. When I was a kid I didn't understand why people always beg to leave this place.

They said that it's boring, ugly and terrible. Then when I reach my age now, I become to realize something. I begin to understand. It wasn't the place. It was the people. yeah, it was the society. 

This world we live in offers such beauty but its often the people that make it worst, make it ugly. 

It's sad how everything I Imagine about living in a wonderful world during my childhood is now just a memory. I miss my childhood when I don't have to feel at all. When I woke up in the morning and live my life like there's no tomorrow. But the day was gone, lost in time. 

And time is like a river. You can’t touch the same water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again.

YLC II: Youth Leader's Camp II

Youth Leader Camp kali ke 2 yang bertempat di Holy Trinity Tawau. Bermula pada 23-27 Januari 2013. Disertai oleh pemimpin-pemimpin belia dari seluruh diosis Sandakan seramai 93 orang, dengan tema kali ini, ''My Journey Begins, Wake Up and Believe''. Satu pengalaman yang sukar dilupakan oleh semua peserta terutama kepada peserta yang baru pertama kali menyertainya. 

Peserta dari St.Martin Telupid seramai 17 orang telah menyertai YLC kali kedua ini di mana kebanyakkan peserta yang menyertai adalah yang pertama kali menyertai YLC termasuk saya sendiri. 

Sepanjang program ini berlangsung iaitu selama 5 hari 4 malam, pelbagai aktiviti menarik diadakan yang mampu memperdalamkan lagi pengetahuan Iman kami sebagai Belia Katolik. Antara aktiviti yang dijalankan ialah Team Building, Multiple Intelligent, Journey To The Promises Land, Special Dinner, Taize Prayer dan beberapa aktiviti lagi. 

Taize Prayer

Multiple Intelligent 

Belia St.Martin bertugas

Vision Board, 10 years from now..

Special Dinner

Persembahan Kumpulan

Journey to the promises Land

Hari terakhir, seramai 90 lebih peserta YLC telah diutus sebagai Leaders dalam upacara pengutusan oleh Msgr. Nicholas. Dalam upacara tersebut para belia telah melafazkan ikrar mereka dan para umat turut mendoakan semua belia. 

Leader's Voice..

I am so glad that I made the right choice by attending YLCII. It is an awesome experience that formed part of my youth, a part that I will cherish and carry with me what it means to be a servant leader. It was an opportune occasion to build friendship and a closer relationship with God. It has really helped me to strengthen my faith. I am so thankful for everything I have learned.. ~ From Me, Mitchee, St.Martin Telupid. Leader's Voice, YLC II

Hello March: Bring Me Summer

1st of March, please be good. Goodbye to February, thanks for the all the sweet and bitter memory. Thanks for everything. 

There's so many things happen today. Firstly, it's my Sister's Birthday, so Happy Birthday to her. Wish her, all the best in everything she do. Today is also the closing ceremony for the sport day at my school, so kinda tired because I become one of the Emcees of the event. And the shocking news I just heard is, there's a war in Lahad Datu, Sabah now. I don't really know exactly, what is the army condition right now, but just pray for them. Pray for Sabah, hopefully no one gets hurt. Please bless us, dear God. 

It's been raining for about 2 months in my place, here in Telupid, Sabah, Malaysia. The weather gets me really confusing sometimes. I get tired and get bored with the rainy day, so please. Bring me summer, I miss to see the clear, blue sky, where there is a warm and peaceful breezy air. 

The end of 2012; Summary

I've been really busy this few days with all the celebration. So let's see what had happen in the year of 2012. Definitely there's a lot going on which I can't say it all. The most remarkable are KONY2012, Olympic2012 and 'The Nganam Style'. 

And that's it. Just like that 2012 is now just a history. I can't remember everything that happen to me through the year. It full with so many different stories. Some of the story is about happiness, some are sad, frustration, heartbroken, sorrow, while most of them fall somewhere in between. Well, that will remain a memory that I will always remember and will keep makes me strong and live on. Through the year of 2012, I've learn so many important things in life which your teacher can't even teach you at school. I've learn the value of friendship, not to give up easily, fight for your heart desire, laugh while you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can't change.. 

On this new year, I hope I can still see the blue sky and dream on. I really hope the year of 2013 will bring me more luck and will be better than 2012. I also hope that I gain more courage and wisdom this year. My determination for this year, to give my all and I don't wanna cry any more and I will be a strong, strong person. 

Christmas 2012; Nothing To Be Told

I don't know if it was me or there's something else but the Christmas Celebration this year not so exciting like a few years ago, I meant the Christmas preparation, the decoration, and even there's no Christmas tree at all. I meant how can you celebrating Christmas without all the excitement feeling, the preparation, cookies, Christmas tree? I can't . . The worst part is, everyone(sister) is busy with their family, no family gathering. And there's me, all alone. Anyway, I'm really glad to have my friends around to cheer me up. Yeahh. My friends. That's it, my 2012 Christmas is something really gloomy and I really disappointed as Christmas suppose to be my favourite day of the year. hmm. what else to expect. But still, I thank God for his blessing in every way that had came upon me for the whole year. I believe on a happy day like Christmas, we can feel a little sad. That's life, isn't it? 

Christmas Eve ;)

SABAH YOUTH DAY 3 (SYD3) IN MEMORIES

SYD3 OFFICIAL BOOK

SYD3 OFFICIAL T-SHIRT & SYD3 THEME.

Well, hello guys? I'm back from Sabah Youth Day 3 at Tambunan. Anyway, before I continue my story, how's your holiday? Did you went to any Open House for Raya?

huhhh.. It's been an amazing journey this few days starting from 18th August. I went to SYD3 at Tambunan together with 83 more youth from my Parish, St Martin Telupid. This is actually the biggest event in Sabah for the Catholic Youth which conducted once in every 4 years. Just like the Olympic, Isn't that amazing, urghh? So, definitely all the youth around Sabah didn't want to lose this opportunity. Not only in Sabah, there's also another youth from different country such as Mongolia, Singapore, Peninsular Malaysia and more. As the place isn't enough for everybody, the participant is limited only for 3000 peoples but since there's many more youth want to join, the number increase to 3200 peoples. Well, that's the main problem. We didn't have an enough space for everyone. 

Last preparation before leaving to Tambunan (18/8/2012)

73 youth from St.Martin Telupid, not included MOT & sub-MOT (19/8/2012)

Wow Hebat ! KASIH, KASIH KASIH !

It was the most remarkable moment and unforgettable memory in my life. I miss that moment with all the youth. In Tambunan, we have to stay with our Foster Family and it was the most precious experience for me because I never had a Foster Family before and I can't never imagine how it was like. My Foster Family was so nice to me and to all my other Foster siblings. I love to call them my new Family because they really are just like my true Family for me. 

disambut Meriah oleh Keluarga Angkat (19/8/2012)

While at SYD, our group leader give each one of us a bag pack contain The SYD3 BOOK, Kupon Makan and Tiket Bus. So each time we want to eat, breakfast, lunch or dinner and also for drinking water, we must use the Kupon Makan. If Kupon Makan hilang, terpaksa bayar 2x ganda. Same goes to the Tiket Bus, each time during the night activity we need to gather at Holy Cross Toboh and we need to take the bus to get there. As there's too many participant, we've been divided into 5 small group and carrying the same activity except for the night, we will gather at Holy Cross Toboh. 

Bag pack, kiut kan :)

Tiket Bus, St.Theresa ke Holy Cross Toboh and vice versa.

name tag SYD, saya punya :)

On 19/8/12 registration at St. Theresa then the next morning, on the 2nd day at 20/8/12 Morning Prayer at Holy Cross Toboh then Opening Mass. At 2 pm, first program which is Friendship Day. It was so fun and we get to know each other. 

before opening Mass. So crowded. 

opening Mass. 

on 21/8/12, our first speech from Sister Susan, entitle ''Why I am proud to be a Catholic?'' It was so meaningful for me to be a Catholic and I'm so proud to be a Catholic. Her most remarkable words are ''go and find your true identity through in Jesus Christ''. Then, we have a testimony from the Chosen Youth and one of them is from our Parish, Nellysia Nandau. then at 11am, Morning Mass at St.Theresa. At 2 pm, we have this activity call Animation entitle ''The Journey to Emaus''. It was a touching activity and I really loves it. We've been ask to write down all our hopes in this piece of paper with this Love Shape. then at 7.30 pm at Holy Cross, we have Youth Night. They have this Sketch about How Jesus die for us to redeem our sins. It's make me cry. A round applause to all the player for play their role so well.  

 Testimony from my friends, Nellysia.

 my group for the Animation, the lucky number 8 (blue team)

my friend did for me, nice urghh? :)

2nd day with my Best-friend, all Yellow. Our official T-shirt

SYD3 LOGO :)

My Fav picture. I really loves their expression ;)

BFF :)

YOUTH NIGHT !

22/8/12, The program start at 7.30 am also with the next entitle ''Aku, Dia & Kamu''. It tells us about the relationship between other and with our creator, God. then at 11am, Morning Mass at St.Theresa. At 2 pm, the second activity for Animation entitle ''God greatest gift''. We've been divided into group of ten consist of people from different Parish. Then, we have to share what is the greatest thing that ever happen in our life. At 4pm, once again we went to Holy Cross Toboh for the Family Night. They have this Sketch about a family having their own crisis and trouble and how they manage to over come it. Suddenly, I remember my own family at home. I realize that, there is no such thing as a ''Perfect Family''. Everyone have their own story. So never judge peoples for you don't know what they have experience in their life. 

group sharing.

morning Mass at St.Theresa. The church is so wonderful with the painting. 

with Aspirant, and the one wearing red T-shirt is from Telupid, Arthur John. 

23/8/12, we have the morning mass at 7 am at St.Theresa and we are the Choir for the Mass. Then at 10 am, we have the last speech entitle ''Go, firm in faith''. The speech tells us about what condition that can lead us (the youth) to lose their Faith toward Jesus. Then at 1 pm, we have this Pilgrim Walk, from St.Theresa to Holy Cross Toboh which we have to walk at the distance of 6.5 KM. Just for a second I couldn't believe I have to do it. I don't have this faith that I can do it but thanks to God for his holy spirit, I manage to finish the parade. I just couldn't believe it. It was so tiring. Along the journey, we have to walk in pair and we have to share to each other about the 7 Sacrament in Catholic. At 7.30 pm, we have this Youth Vigil which is a Taize Prayer. Unfortunately, it was raining so I couldn't really concentrate on it. 

choirs. 

Pilgrim Walk.

after the Pilgrim Walk. ereii buruk sudah tuh muka.

Youth Vigil.

The Youth Cross.

24/8/12, It was the last day of SYD 3 :') at 8.30 am we went to Holy Cross Toboh for the closing ceremony but before that we have this evaluation about the SYD3. Each Contingent have been given this 'Skrol' and we need to write down our commitment on it and then write down our signature. Then, each one of us have been given this Sunflower Seed and we must planted it, ''Sunlight poured from his face'' ~ Matthew 17:2. Then at 11 am, we have this Closing Mass and & Closing Ceremony. Once again we became the choir. They announced the next  location for SYD4 2016 which is goes to Diocese Sandakan in Tawau. 

Closing Mass and Closing Ceremony.

our 'Skrol'.

'Apa yang bermula pasti berakhir', the part that I really hate the most is saying Goodbye. Well, see you again at SYD4 2016 at Tawau. 

with my beloved 'New Family'.